Ladder

I built a ladder with my fears
and reached it up to you
so you could climb down
and think as little of me
as I did.

~September 2010

Miracle

I love you, night,
your clouded sky bringing
the scent of rain,
crickets singing a cool breeze.
My windowsill is not a pillow,
but it offers a different view
of night: rest, and a miracle
I never knew: the pattern of
tiny holes in the screen.

~September 2010

Hang

It seems that there isn't much
of you here to hang on to.
my memories are all in the past,
your words are in my phone,
but not in my ear.
the tiny snowman you gave me,
200-some miles away on my bed -
no, not even on my bed, because
I had to wash all the sheets.
I don't know where it is.
Our emails are no longer
a place we share.
I am here, you are there
We are nowhere.
The moon hangs almost full.
You gave me this sliver of
silver in my nose,
but I can't hang on to that at all.
and my hair that you held
onto - I dyed you out of it.

~August 2010

Video Game Love Life

I thought I'd keep
upgrading, and that
you were the grand prize,
the final level in
my video game love life.
I didn't want you to be
just another skill to learn.

~ August 2010

Used To

I'm used to a lot of things.

I'm used to a torrent of emotions

I'm used to waiting for them

to change on their own

I'm used to not owning my

emotions or choices to change things

and recently

I may have gotten used to

not being myself.

Maybe I had to get used to that -

to being another person I didn't

necessarily know, or like -

in order to make the choice

to change my emotions.

To get used to better things.

~August 2010

Bulb

My brain is a black lightbulb

waiting to burn out.

Break its shard shell

and let in the light

that I cannot seem to

turn on myself.

~August 2010

Sails

What a treacherous sea I sail
in my boat of fear.
Perched on its glass bottom,
I can never be sure
if I am safe from the wide waters
that lie below me,
swarming with every possibility.
My gaze is fixed.
No regard for what sky
may spread above me,
or what sails may take me there.

~August 2010