Empty

I walk past empty places
that I used to fill when I
was with you. They remain
unaffected by my absence.
I think of empty places
in myself, that I hadn't known
were empty before.
They are not unaffected,
but they, too, remain
empty.

~September 16, 2010

Portrait Envy

I painted a family portrait in my mind
with the brushstrokes of imagination
in the medium of love.
When I finished I found that
I didn't know who the people were
or even the artist. Now
I look at everyone else's work and wonder
how they knew what to paint and envy
that they ended up happy.

~September 16, 2010

When I See

Your eyelashes curl black and
sweet in my memory,
a fierce gorgeousness
steals the breath from
my heart, and gives it back.
I watch the curling lashes
before me and feel that
breath fail, wait for the
gift to come, but there
is nothing. He is not you;
not even ours, but he
will always have
those same eyelashes,
dark eyes so sweetly downcast,
dark skin dark hair
even the same dark self.
And will I always think
of you when I see him?

~September 16, 2010

Puzzle

My relationship with you
was a jigsaw puzzle
that I tried to put together -
the picture on the box was
Beautiful.
But now I have to
take it apart.
Some pieces are missing,
and so many are
scattered around me -
I find them everywhere.
Forgotten pockets of jeans,
under my pillows every night,
inside a stranger's box of Cheezits.
Maybe once I've collected them all
and put them safely away,
my heart will be put
back together too.

~September 16, 2010

Sirens

Every morning my body wakes
to the wailing sirens of my mind
adrenaline sliding down the narrow
fire pole of my spinal cord
to the fire raging in my heart
leaving embers burning in
my stomach. It's too late again.
Where is the hydrant
to put this out once
and for all?

~September 2010

Inside Out

This distance is turning
me inside out,
as I try to reach out
without moving at all.
Inside out, so I can examine
all the parts of myself
and try to scrape off
those I don't want;
inside out, so I don't feel
as distant from my world.
This is no way to live.
Turn me right side out.

~September 2010

Puppet

Ten months I was a puppet
worked by my own hands.
Five months I didn't know
plus five months I did not
want to know.
Now, with no audience,
there is no purpose
in puppetry.
And the purpose
of the puppet master?

~September 2010