Shiny, New

In the shiny pictures on boxes
the detailed instructions
on how to use the products
they leave a lot out
like how your brand-new toaster oven
won't stay brand-new, perfect and shiny
it gets dirty when you use it
it gathers dust
and crumbs
and grease
and looks disgusting
like how using your hair dye won't
color your life flawless and happy
no color is that vibrant
forever
like how shopping
and acquiring
and endlessly seeking is endless
because the new products will always
be new
and your life will always be getting older
and worn out
and faded like the turquoise in your hair
after one washing
so the whole thing's a joke
they can't really sell you what's on the box
what's in the packet
they sell you what's in your mind
and I don't mean they like some
'evil corporate entity'
I mean your mind sells you itself
you sell yourself
what you want to buy
and you never
ever
get it.

~ 9 December 2012

Balloon

I love you from the outside of a balloon
like hugging this stretched and empty vessel
but separate from what's inside it
which is a lot of nothing
held by fake plastic skin
and I can't squeeze too hard
and I can't put it down
please pop
please don't pop

~17 October 2012

Polysemy

Ambiguity results from the fact
that pillowfight may mean either
"let's be kids again" or
"I want to get in bed with you,"
while visit me for Halloween 
and we'll do all
these things together in fact
let's make a list so we won't
forget anything and good night good
morning here's a song 
for you and stay one
more day I've wanted to mess around
with a girl before
may mean either
"exactly what I hope it does"
or
"we're just friends."

~13 October 2012

Egg

this secret want is pressed up tight
against the inside of my skin, like
a hardboiled egg inside its shell

thank goodness it's solidified, or
it would all come running out
through the cracks that form as we talk

but still I think you might see the hidden color
like I've been dyed from within
and I think that color could give me away

~September 15 2012

wake

The idea leaves emptiness in its wake
Unfair that it hollows out my sandy mind,
so easily shifted into those grand
castles that never survive
the tide.
Waves mean things always change
and I'll never have a real home.
Or real love.
Or real me.
Just the patterns of old ideas
on the shore.

~August 20

for a reason

If they were rings, I'd push them onto
every one of my fingers
if I had enough skin I'd tattoo each word
I think I have already memorized
my favorites
the ones that made my heart jump
and sing
and beat for a reason.

but
there is always a but

there are no rings
I have only enough skin for me
and my heart needs more reasons
to beat
than comments posted on my writing,
whether one, two, or eighty-three

but
I still want them
all eighty-three
all on my fingers
all over my skin
where I can see them
where I can feel my heartbeat.

~ June 11, 2012

back to sea

the worst feeling in the world
is the tide sucking back out to sea
sucking at my ankles
because at the shore that's only how deep it goes
not enough to take me with it
only enough that I can feel
exactly
what's leaving me behind

~June 10, 2012

Want Ad

I've filled my house
with furniture I cannot use

A table of only legs
chairs whose fabric scrubs my skin
sleep made impossible
by a bed that hangs
upside down from the ceiling

I'm not sure I even recognize
myself in these strange mirrors

But I can't move out.

Please help me, you who have experience
in making furnishings make sense.
Together we can build
something off which to eat,
find softer cloth,
with caution, lower my bed
to the floor.
Please, if you recognize me
help me back home.

~April 3, 2012

Inside Out

You slipped into my heart
and turned it inside out
to show me what I loved
and it wasn't you
and that was ok
because you weren't real
and so I knew
that all you wanted
was for me to know myself
and maybe you had had
your heart turned inside out too
maybe we were both born like that
and so you knew me
because our hearts beat the same way
not toward each other
but side by side.
So thank you for your hands
on my heart
pushing gently in
the other direction

~April 1st, 2012

jewel

jewels shone around me
bigger than stars
so I picked the brightest one
in case I never got the chance again
I clutched that jewel in my fist
until it shattered into my hand
and now we are both broken
bleeding jewel, and me,
and separating the two
is my constant crimson chore

~April 1st, 2012